Some Clarity On Losing a Child
I know that we have all lost someone and many of you reading this know the feeling of losing a child.
Over the years several people who have lost a child(ren) have said to me, "you don't know what it's like, you've never lost a child". At that time I did not say much, to anyone.....not even family, but now, I believe it's the right time. I do know what it's like to "lose" a child, both young and older.
I had three sons that never had the opportunity to make their mark on this world, to watch grow, to kiss booboo's or hug goodnight but, I accept that because, it was not meant for them to stay. Back in the day, if they were not "viable" you were not allowed to "keep" them. Gregory (stillborn), David (passed @ 2 mins) & Michael, Kimberly's twin brother. My daughter Kimberly was a twin. Her brother Michael, passed at 7 months intra-uterine. He was the "hidden twin" and what many do not know, I had to carry both to term. It's a feeling that I would not wish even on my worst enemy.........you can't even describe it.
So yes, I know what it's like to have a baby child die and now, an adult child.
I've had people say to me, "losing a child stillborn, miscarriage or as a baby isn't the same. It doesn't hurt that much because they haven't been around that long". WHAT?? THIS would hit me like a knife! Was I, or did I, overreact my feelings and angst?? At the time I may have thought so because I didn't know what it was like so, is the grieving the same?
Why does there have to be a comparison? Why does one feel that a death of a baby, be it stillborn or a small baby is less painful than that of an adult child? I never understood this and now, I can give you what I know.
A person will grieve the death of a miscarried child, stillborn or baby child and wonder for the rest of their lives what their child may have looked like. Would he/she looked like me or their Dad? What would have been their first word? You begin to see things that other parents take for granted like, watching them take their first step, seeing the look on their beautiful little faces as they have their first swing or go on slide. You wonder if they would be the gushy child that runs to you with arms wide open with happiness after their first day of school? You stare at some young adults and wonder if your child would have gone to university or do a trade or do farming? You are left wondering so many things. They never had a chance to learn lifes lessons. They never had a chance to know the warmth of smile, the safety of a hug and the love from others. I do not dwell on this, not anymore. Because of my gifts, I am able to see all my children that left before me, before their Sister. Does it make it any easier......no.....maybe........it depends.
All I am saying is, don't think that it is easier on a person when their child passes intra-uterine, still born or 2 mins after they have been born. No matter what, a child is a child that is a person that has died. Whether young or older, it is a void that you carry with you.
To all those that have lost a child(ren), I ask that you honour and respect your child by living your life to it's fullest, to be happy and not grieve them. Do not disrespect your Angel Child(ren) by continually grieving them, by continually remembering "what happened". Right at this very moment and hence forward, they are full of life, happiness and love on "the other side"............. They are with you every single solitary day. Every second........ talk to them.........hear what they are saying to you. Love them and allow them to help you move forward into YOUR happiness.
I give my love to all parents . Hugs........